One Month Old

Dear Nathan,

All day long so far, I've been playing the game where I try to remember exactly what I was doing at this time a month ago. I've replayed the events of your birth over and over and over in my mind, and the magic hasn't dissipated at all. Your arrival was truly a miracle for me and our whole family--because of its normalcy, not its unique circumstances like your brother. I'm amazed every time I look at you that something so perfect came from my body.

Life has begun to adjust to something of a routine in the last month. When you decide it's time to eat may change from day to day, but I've worked hard to coordinate your sleep periods, when you sleep in your playard, to regular times each day. I think this is a large reason for our success with your sleeping. Rarely do I have to sit up with you at night because you're awake. Thank you for sleeping so well and saving my sanity!

Feeding has also been easier with you than Patrick. It certainly helps that all you've ever known is breast-feeding. You took to it relatively well right away, and despite a couple of setbacks, you are now eating completely normally. Patrick didn't do that for about seven months. The only problem we've had is that your natural ability to sleep sometimes interferes with your eating. I've never found a child so difficult to wake up! That doesn't seem to be hindering your weight gain any, though; we expect you to top ten pounds at your one-month appointment next week.

So far things have been easier caring for you than they were for Patrick, in large part because we've known what to expect. The one surprise has been watching the interactions between you and Patrick. Now that you are becoming more aware, you are developing a fascination with your big brother. You watch him any time he's near enough to see, and this morning you actually fussed until he looked back at you. I can't believe that you crave your big brother's attention. I'd better enjoy it while it lasts; you won't feel the same when you're both older and start hitting each other and fighting over toys.

The best development of the last month has happened in just the last few days: you're now learning to smile. I've loved you from day one, but it's so much easier to care for you when I'm exhausted and cranky when I'm rewarded with a toothless baby grin. You were handing out those smiles like candy earlier today, especially at your big brother who seemed oblivious to your sweetness.

Now I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving when you will get to meet all your family, from grandparents to great-grandparents to aunts, uncles, cousins, and even great-aunts, great-uncles, and non-first cousins. I can't wait for you to share all those sweet smiles with everyone we already love and you will learn quickly to love.

You have so much life ahead of you, and it baffles my mind to think of the possibilities of where your life's path may lead. At the same time, though, I get a little nostalgic thinking of the wide future in front of you because it reminds me that a full month has already passed since I first met you, heard that first cry, gazed into your eyes for the first time. You are going to grow up all too soon, and I vow to cherish every one of these newborn moments with you while I still can.

I've loved you from the moment I met you, and even before, and each day I'm with you my heart grows exponentially to hold all the love that's grown that day.

Love,
Mommy