Three Months

Dear Nathan,

Welcome to the month of personality. Or perhaps you should be welcoming us, as we are the ones who get to enjoy it. And enjoy it we do. It turns out that despite your seemingly endless energy (I'm not looking forward to that when you're mobile), you have the same endless adoration for your family. Anytime you're awake, you want someone in the room with you, preferably showing you one-on-one attention.
I am very blessed that your brother is starting to adore you back. He seems to love being the recipient of your toothless grins and giggles. When I'm unable to entertain you at the moment, Patrick is every bit as good of a distraction. In fact, there are moments when I'm not enough and I catch you looking around for a glimpse of Patrick. All it takes is one glimpse of him moving from the corner of your eye and you are happy again. If only I could expect this charmed relationship between the two of you to last forever...

And Nathan, my little social butterfly, you are already doing your best to communicate with us. Your cries are already becoming rare, only when your needs have become urgent, and you instead "talk" to us using your voice. You coo most of the day: happy, giggly coos when you're happy and smiling, and frustrated, demanding coos when you're in need of something. They're better than crying anyway.

These "conversations" we have are wonderful. I've found myself neglecting other things I need to be doing just to chat with you longer. Perhaps it's just the star-struck mommy in me, but I feel honored when you bless me with a smile, or a series of smiles and coos. You make me feel special, as though I'm your favorite person ever. And maybe I am, which only makes me more content.

I wish I could avoid writing this paragraph, Nathan, but I can't just gloss over the more frustrating things you do. You still don't sleep as well as I'd like. At least this month you have finally started to sleep eight-to-ten-hour stretches at night--sometimes. You still want bedtime around the same time as Patrick, though, so I'm still getting up in the wee hours of the morning for your first feeding of the day. Then other nights, like last night, you still want feedings several times at night. I'm trying my best to cherish those quiet nighttime feedings with you, as I know they will be few and far between before long, but I have to admit that they're getting old. So is the lack of sleep and my lack of patience that results (as Patrick can certainly attest to).

But when you do sleep, I can't help but want to snuggle. You are more than willing to cooperate most of the time. It is now our routine to spend a few minutes snuggling together every morning before we get Patrick up. I have to confess that it is my favorite time of the day. I wake up from our short snooze together in a loving mood, which carries over through the first few otherwise drowsy and cranky hours of the day. This is something I was never comfortable doing with Patrick--between his early issues with apnea and his fountain-like spitting up--so these morning naps are particularly special to me, something I can share with you alone.

This last month has cemented my relationship to you even more, now that you are able to contribute more to it. When I see "I love you" in each smile and coo, I can't help but fall in love with you all over again, just like I did that Saturday morning thirteen weeks ago when you were first placed on my belly, all gooey and slimy. You gazed at me then with this look of awe--and yes, love--the same way you do now. My heart melted then, and you're doing your best to keep it melted.

I hope that never changes.

I love you forever.

Mommy