How Can You Be So Social When You Can't Talk?

Many of you who read this got to see us in the last few months, either at Thanksgiving or Christmas. If so, you were most likely charmed by that sweet toddler who tends to be on his best behavior around new people. You got to hear him chatter away endlessly about topics that none of us quite understood.
That chattering--and lack of comprehension on our part--has actually been a concern to Matt and me. We may not spend much time with other 2-year-olds, but we recognized that Patrick's speech patterns are anything but normal. His few favorite phrases are spoken as if they are single words and convey very little about his needs, much less his wants (other than going somewhere and bedtime). I've heard much younger children, even 18-month-olds, can string together several words to communicate whole ideas to their parents. Patrick hasn't been anywhere close to that.

If I mentioned this to the doctor, he repeated what I'd heard so often, that all children develop at their own pace and we shouldn't worry. That never helped. Finally at Nathan's four-month appointment last month, I brought up the concern yet again, adding a little more detail about why I was concerned. Finally he listened and referred us to someone who could help, Early Childhood Intervention.

They came over yesterday to do their official evaluation of Patrick to determine whether he qualifies for services. There was no hesitation on their part: he does. They graded him in several different areas to determine what age level he falls into in those different areas. He was right on target in the physical ones and ahead in social (I know--I don't get it either). The ones of concern are what they call cognitive, where he's at about a 19-month level, and of course, language, where he's anywhere from 12 months to 18 months and closer to the lower levels probably. That's much farther behind than I expected to hear. But on the bright side, he will be getting help to get caught up. In a way, it's good to hear that my motherly instincts were dead-on.

Regardless of any delays on his part, though, that doesn't change who Patrick is. Whether or not I can understand what he's trying to say, he will still be the same sweet, funny, and apparently uber-social little boy I've loved for the last two-plus years.

It's a K-Hug (a Kiss and a Hug)

I love this new stage Patrick just entered, the one where he's starting to show affection. A couple of days ago he surprised me by giving me a near kiss, complete with sound effects--"Mmm-ma." It was so sweet, especially because I haven't been coaching it or anything. It came out of nowhere and was so genuine.

The next day he gave me another kiss, just as sweet as the first. It happened when I had just finished nursing Nathan and he was still lying in my lap. Patrick had crawled up to snuggle up next to me in the little room left in the chair. After giving me a kiss (that resembles a hug more than anything, other than the kissy sound effects), he leaned down and gave Nathan a kiss several times.

He still ignores his brother about as much as he pays attention to him, so it's hard to tell whether he's annoyed at his presence or really loves him. Being that sweet, gentle, and affectionate with Nathan showed me how he truly feels. I got a little choked up watching him be so generous with his newfound kisses, loving on his little brother.

He has also showered kisses like this upon every toy on Nathan's exersaucer, a truly silly spectacle to watch. He hugs each one, says "Mmm-ma," and then utters a quick, "Sleep tight" before heading to the next toy. The fact that he adds "sleep tight" to the kiss made it clear where he picked up the new act. Although he gets kisses all day long, he remembers the ones he gets at bedtime the most. And since it is part of the sleep tight routine, it must be something worth talking about and doing all day long.

I wonder what else we should add to the bedtime routine that would be useful for him to do all day...

Five Months

Dear Nathan,

Today you turn five months old, and I have to admit that this fifth month of your life has definitely been the most exciting yet. I might even dare to say it's been my favorite, as well.
The biggest, most exciting milestone has been your transition to sleeping through the night. Now you won't just sleep seven or eight hours a night, not paying any attention to Mommy and Daddy's preferred sleep schedule, but you'll sleep all night long most nights. Last night was a good example: you went to bed the same time as your brother and slept for a full twelve hours without a feeding, waking up at a perfectly reasonable hour this morning.

Daddy and I are thrilled at this new development. After getting used to your big brother's extraordinary sleeping skills, we were starting to wonder what was keeping you from being able to sleep as well as early. We'd even planned out a temporary solution to move you out of our room but so that you wouldn't disturb your brother with your nightly wakings when you shared a room. You managed to eradicate the need for a plan B just in time.

That means that the next huge milestone you met this month was your move into your permanent crib in the room you now share with your brother. It's been almost a whole week, and things are going amazingly well. I never know for sure what to expect each night, whether you might be disturbed during the night and demand a feeding, or whether you'll sleep all night long like last night. The one consistent thing, though, is that you and Patrick are getting used to being around each other when you sleep. You are both already starting to sleep through more and more noise, which I think is a wonderful ability to have. I am so proud of the big boy you are becoming, sleeping in your own room already.

I also can't get over what a joy you are to have around. I always thought Patrick was a happy baby--and he was and still is quite happy--but you are outshining him on a daily basis. If you're awake, you are actively trying to catch our eye so you can smile at us. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in; when you smile at me, I can't help but smile right back. I wonder sometimes if we couldn't just get rid of electricity around here--your smile lights up the room anyway.

One of our favorite games is the kissing game. I lean in close and give you a kiss on the cheek, neck, hand, foot, anything--and you giggle like it's the funniest thing in the entire world. That laugh warms my heart. I would do just about anything to hear that laugh. I know your daddy feels the same. In fact, it is even easier for him to coax a smile out of you than it is for me. All he has to do is walk into the room, and you start beaming at him. Without a doubt, you adore your daddy. I don't blame you.

You've also started smiling a new way that is even cuter, if that's even possible. You've discovered that tongue and how much fun it is to play with. So sometimes when you're impossibly happy, you'll smile with your tongue hanging out of your mouth. You'll blow raspberries with it and then laugh when Daddy and I imitate you. Even your increased teething pain only seems to bother you until I smile at you; then you can smile right back, even if you were fussing only seconds before. I can't even begin to describe the joy you have brought into our house with that contagious smile.

And you just keep growing. It's starting to hurt my back to carry you around too much. But don't stop growing, even when it hurts Mommy. I really love that you're already wearing the clothes your big brother got for his first birthday. It's great to see you growing at such a normal pace, without the nutrition worries we have for your big brother. Besides, how great will it be when your brother and you can wear from the same wardrobe and I don't have to worry about whose clothes are whose anymore?

I have no doubt that you will keep growing, no matter what I do. As always, I love it and hate it at the same time. Each new stage you meet, though, opens my eyes that much more to who you really are. Right now you're a happy, easygoing, loving, cuddly, chunky baby. And I love that baby so much more than I ever thought possible. I know I'll love you even more tomorrow as well, when you show me yet another facet to your charming personality. Just remember that no matter how big and grown up you get, you'll still always be Mommy's precious little baby.

I love you my big little baby.

Mommy

Some Patrick Pics

I keep forgetting to show you some of the latest pictures, so I'm playing catch-up over the next few days. Here are some of Patrick just being goofy.
He likes his brother's Bumbo seat, possibly more than his brother. Don't worry, we never let him sit in it on surfaces other than the floor. He can even say Bumbo (bubbo). It cracks me up to see how easily his tiny rear and thighs fit into it, especially compared to how difficult it is to get Nathan in and out of it.

I guess he decided to pose for me, but there was no way I was going to get him to crack a smile for me. "Okay, Mom. Take the picture already."

We got this stool from a neighbor whose kids have outgrown it. Patrick is obsessed with being able to stand on it, to be that whole foot taller. He thought it was neat to be able to point things out to us on the TV. Do you think that will permanently ruin his eyes, to watch TV from that close? We didn't let him stay like that for long.

I try shots like these pretty often when I'm on the floor taking pictures of Nathan, but they usually end up pretty silly, like pointing straight up his nose. I was impressed with this one, in comparison to the other similar pictures.

A Nathan Post

I'm hesitant to write this for fear of jinxing it, but Nathan has slept through the night for the last three nights. I'm reluctant to call it a new routine yet, but I'm savoring those long stretches of sleep I've gotten and starting to nurse the hope that perhaps it is a sign of things to come.

The change in sleeping patterns has also helped me delay another inevitable--solid foods. I've been desperately pushing him to wait until six months to start solid foods; I remember what a nuisance it quickly became with Patrick, as cool as it was at first. When Nathan continually refused to set a reasonable sleeping pattern, we started considering starting solids so that he might be tricked into sleeping better. My plan was to start next week because that's about when I suspected I wouldn't be able to take the sleep deprivation any longer.

Now I guess I can put it off just a bit longer. Maybe we'll make it to the recommended six months after all. Not that I don't think he's ready; he's probably been ready for a full month already--I just haven't been ready.

He also doesn't seem to need the food from a growth perspective. Nathan is already wearing 6-9 months clothes at least part of the time. He doesn't quite fit the weight suggestion on the clothes, but the 3-6 months clothes are quickly getting too short. He's completely outgrown all but one or two of those sleepers. It's funny to realize that some of the clothes he's worn in the last week, Patrick got for his first birthday. Yeah, wrap your mind around that one. And the next size up in sleepers from what he's wearing right now is what Patrick is wearing right now.

I wonder if that will make buying wardrobes easier, when they both wear the same size.

I Think He's Ready

I've been procrastinating about starting potty training with Patrick for months now. I really don't want to bother with it. It's so much more of a nuisance asking him if he needs to pee every hour and traipsing to the potty to force him to sit there for a few minutes only to leave an empty potty when he's done. I'm not looking forward to the bribery, the wet and poopy clothes, or cleaning out that nasty potty several times a day. Oh, yeah...and I haven't felt like Patrick was anywhere near ready yet.

I think he's ready now. In the last few days he has suddenly started repeating me when I ask if he's poopy (a silly question since you can smell it a mile away). "Poo-pee," he'll say even while I'm changing his diaper and cleaning his butt. I suspect he knows what he's talking about, too, instead of just repeating a fun-sounding word.

Then just a few minutes ago, he grabbed me and started pulling me all over the house, a sure indicator that he wants something. We ended up at "his" bathroom. I guessed he wanted a bath since he had so much fun dumping water on me during bathtime yesterday. I shrugged; we had time for a bath right then, so why not? He seemed more eager than usual to get his still-dry diaper off, but I assumed it was because he was that eager for a bath.

As has been my habit for the last few baths, I set him on the potty naked to chill while I was filling the tub. He wasn't having anything to do with it today, so instead of forcing him and making him hate the potty this early, I let him stand next to the tub where I was kneeling, waiting for the water to hit the right temp.

Suddenly I felt my leg getting wet. I couldn't figure out how the water was splashing out of the tub onto my leg without Patrick in there. Then I traced the stream of water right back to Patrick--he was peeing on me. Yuck.

But even while I was cleaning up the icky mess, I could see the bright side of it. He wasn't dragging me to the bathroom to beg for a bath. He had to pee and wanted to do it in the bathroom like Mommy and Daddy do. He was (sort of) successfully able to tell me he needed to pee.

I guess that means potty training starts hard-core this week. What a fun stage this will be. Or not. With any luck, we waited long enough that he's really, really ready now and will make things easy for us.

Definitely Nature, Not Nurture

Last night Matt and I took the kids out to dinner for our Valentine's Day dinner, a little early. It was the first time we took both boys out to eat alone. It really went well, until Nathan started to lose it right before we got the bill.

The best part happened as we left the restaurant. I was holding Patrick's hand to walk him out when he saw a little girl waiting up at the front. She was somewhere between about 18 months and 2 years old (and a little bigger than Patrick). When they saw each other, they both started walking fast to get to each other. The little girl's mom held her back a little, but when Patrick got up near her, he made a beeline for her. He got up so close it looked like he was going to give her a hug or kiss her or something (he doesn't even kiss us, so that would have been crazy). Instead it just looked like he whispered something in her ear. Both of us moms watched in awe as these two kids got acquainted in those few seconds.

When Patrick pulled back from her, I started leading him the rest of the way out of the door. The little girl insisted on following. She screamed when her mom picked her up, keeping her from leaving with Patrick.

So it seems that Patrick is quite the stud. In the matter of seconds and a few whispered words in an ear, he can get the girls to chase after him. I would pay money to know what exactly exchanged between the two of them in those few seconds. Did Patrick whisper the perfect pick-up line? Anyone want to take a guess as to what pick-up lines toddlers use on each other?

Twenty-eight Months

Dear Patrick,

A few months ago, Daddy and I realized that due to a glitch in our back-up system, we had lost many of the pictures from your first year, including nearly all of your newborn pictures. Needless to say, we were devastated. Thank goodness for devoted grandparents, though; between the two sets, we have recovered just about all of those pictures, with many new pictures we had never seen from your early days as well.

In the process of recovering all these pictures and transferring them to the computer, I have had the opportunity to go back and reminisce about your early days. I've run the gamut of emotions, from elation to tears of joy to tears of grief as I remember what we went through in your first few weeks of life. Mostly I've just found it good to have these concrete memories of what you were like as a baby.
I've realized more and more as we compare Nathan to you at his age that I don't remember much about what you were really like back then. Daddy keeps asking me if I remember when you used to do such and such, and I have to take his word for it because I can't remember. I'm so focused on you as you are now that I've forgotten so many details from you as a baby and crawler and early walker. I'm glad for the blog now so that I can go back and look again to recapture some of those memories that are fading with time.

I wonder if that's what being a mommy is really about, once you get past the caring for the kids part. I feel like I spend so much of every day trying to remember every little thing about who you are right now, and so much more time anticipating what you will be like tomorrow and the day after that, and when you start school, and when you graduate. In the middle of all of that, I realize I'm losing who you used to be, who you were yesterday, and before you walked, and before you sat up, and before you left the hospital. I suspect it's common for mommies to get so caught up in who you are today and anticipating who you will be tomorrow that the you of yesterday slowly disappears into flimsy memories we try desperately to recapture.

So thank goodness for obsessive photo-taking, and baby books, and blogs. As much as it can hurt sometimes to recognize I didn't cherish each one of your past days the way I'd hoped I would, I relish the nostalgia. At least I do have all these concrete places to recapture those past days, if only for a few seconds at a time.

But I vow to you not to let my reminiscing take away from my present moments with you. For example, right now you are cuddled up next to me, helping me blog your monthly letter for the first time. While I love the help, I think I'm going to let this be enough of a concrete memory of the moment for now while I create another one, by using my fingers to start a tickle fight instead of typing. I hope you don't mind too much.

I love you, my twenty-eight-month-old baby boy.

Mommy

The Boys, Grandpa, and the Exersaucer

The day Nathan hit four months, I started wondering when he might be ready for the exersaucer. He seemed ready, but I wanted to check what the makers recommended. Their minimum age? Four months. So here he is on the day he turned four months, enjoying his brother's exersaucer (which, by the way, we didn't get for him until he was six or seven months old).
He needed a little extra support at first to keep him from bouncing back and forth in the seat, but he quickly grew out of that. Now it's one of his favorite toys and one of the best ways to keep him entertained for half an hour at a time.

Patrick has also redeveloped a love for the toy, although he is forced to play with it from the other side. I think it has something to do with seeing his brother playing with it. Fortunately, the good big brother that he is, he's more than willing to share.

In fact, this is one of the most charming ways I see them interact. Patrick talks to Nathan a lot when he's in the exersaucer and pets his head (although I'm always a few seconds too late to catch a picture of that). I'm not sure Patrick doesn't see Nathan as part of the toy, though.

Because he keeps doing things like this. Hey, if it fits on his head, why not Nathan's, right? And it's not like Nathan can get away when he's in the exersaucer.

Nathan didn't seem to mind too much, thank goodness. He's just not entirely sure what's going on. But as long as his brother's paying him attention, he'll put up with just about anything.

The boys had fun when their grandpa was here too. Patrick turned into a monkey and climbed all over his grandpa. He couldn't stay away. I suspect Grandpa loved every second of the adoration, too.

They had lots of fun playing with cell phones. Grandpa let him "talk" on his phone...

...and Patrick let him talk on the phone Grandpa brought for Nathan that Patrick has yet to let him play with.

Nathan continually insisted on early bedtimes when Grandpa was around in the evenings, so the two didn't get quite as much bonding time. That didn't keep Nathan from giving Grandpa his best flirtatious smile and some great giggles when he was awake.

Stinky

Last night, Patrick was climbing onto Matt's lap when he let one rip. This one was particularly loud, so Matt and I started laughing. Unfortunately it was also particularly smelly. Matt's instant reaction was to pull his shirt up over his nose to block out some of the smell. I couldn't believe I didn't have my camera ready for what happened next: Patrick imitated his daddy. I would have loved a picture of the two of them sitting together with their shirts covering the bottom half of their faces. I think I could see their grins right through the fabric. It was the funniest thing I've seen for a long time.

Whoa.

Nathan is currently wearing one of Patrick's diapers. And it fits. We were running low on his, but as they haven't been holding some of the bigger poops, I thought we should see if he was ready for the next size. He apparently is. That means my two boys, who are 23 1/2 months apart, are now almost the same size around their bellies. I'm now taking bets as to when Nathan will catch up in the rest of the stats too.