Nathan Update

I know I have a million pictures I need to upload, but I don't feel like doing that today. I thought instead I'd let everyone know how the pregnancy is going since it's been a long time since I've updated.

You may notice that the ticker just above is showing that I am 36 weeks today. At 37 weeks I am considered full-term. That means that if Nathan was born today, he would technically be considered a preemie, but 36-weekers rarely have any problems that normal newborns don't have. This is really quite the milestone for me, as I never expected him to make it much past 35 weeks.

What makes things more interesting is that there has been some debate all along as to my actual due date. When you've had a preemie before, you make a big deal over even a few days' difference. The difference here could be up to about nine days. I'm keeping my doctor's due date in the ticker, mostly because it's the most conservative, but it's entirely possible I've actually hit 37 weeks already or will in the next few days.

I haven't noticed anything specific to indicate that Nathan will be coming in the immediate future, but my impatience to see him is making me feel like the birth is imminent. I am a little nervous about the whole thing, but at least I know better what to expect this time around. Well, I know what to expect with labor (maybe I'll be able to identify it as labor earlier this time!). I'm still a little thrown by the idea that Nathan should be totally normal, even if he is born today. I'm so accustomed to thinking about birth in comparison to the abnormal experience with Patrick that I can't even imagine what a normal birth and baby will look like.

I already have my hospital bag mostly packed; all that's left are things that I will need between now and whenever he's born. Included in that bag are two possible outfits for Nathan to come home in, depending on his size. It feels so weird to be packing for both of us. When this happened last time, we only packed for one of us at a time. It's even harder to imagine packing for Nathan when I haven't even met him yet. How am I supposed to know what he needs or what he will be able to wear? It's a totally new concept for me.

Matt and I feel like we are completely ready for Nathan to come, but I know it's only the physical things we have ready. We are going to be completely caught off guard by his arrival, whenever it might be and no matter how long we've been this impatient for it.

I need to take at least one more belly picture before he's born so that we can see the belly at the biggest it's ever been. I think you'll be surprised. I'm amazed myself sometimes at how I can still stand up at all with this huge belly sticking out in front of me. It makes sense, though, when you consider the baby in it is approximately twice Patrick's birth weight. How crazy is that to think about?

Sigh

My little boy is growing up--quite literally this time. He must be going through quite a growth spurt, straight up. It doesn't show as much in the way his clothes fit (still solidly in 12 months clothes), but we had an experience this morning that proves it.

I woke up to an unusual sound. It sounded almost like a door opening and closing. Even in my groggy state, I had a vision of Patrick standing on his tiptoes and reaching for the doorknobs, something that was happening just a few days ago. He was still a couple of inches short at the time, but I suspected that figured into what I was hearing this morning.

Sure enough, when I got to Patrick's door, it was opening just barely from the inside and then closing right back. Patrick had reached the doorknob. It was late enough that I went ahead and let him out of his room (his rug and blankets were wadded up behind the door, keeping it from opening any farther than that inch Patrick had been opening it). He never had the satisfaction of letting himself out of his own room, though.

When Matt got up a short time later, we discussed what our options were now that Patrick can open and close doors. Patrick still can't be trusted to wander the house completely by himself, and I sleep like a brick these days, so we needed to be able to keep him in his room in the mornings until I could let him out. We quickly decided that as cruel as it sounds, we need to lock him in his room with the child lock on his doorknob. (By the way, I'm suddenly regretting that we have lever doorknobs; they are much too easy for a toddler to learn to use.) That way, he won't get up in the mornings and cause chaos in the house or hurt himself before waking me up. Since he's never been able to let himself out of his room, he won't even notice the transition.

Unfortunately, it's hard to suddenly remember to add that extra step in to putting him to bed. Patrick went down for a nap just a little while ago, and we forgot to lock him in. Yes, already. He wasn't as ready to sleep as we'd hoped, so he got up to play. His first destination was the door. Within seconds, he had opened the door and wandered out. I'm not playing that game with him, especially when he's this tired, so I promptly put him back in bed and locked the door behind me.

Of course, now he knows he can get out. He hasn't stopped crying since. I think part of it is exhaustion. Another part of it is frustration that he can't get out of his room now that he knows how. And I have to wonder if another part of it is disbelief that that's all it would have taken all these months to get out of bedtime and naptime.

Visit with Nana

Yes, you read right in yesterday's post; my next guess for Nathan's arrival is August 24. Yes, that is Friday, as in the day after tomorrow. Really, it's just pretty convenient for a lot of us, and I like the number 24. But I still doubt I make it all the way to my due date, and it should be perfectly safe for Nathan to arrive any day now.

The "any day now" mentality has definitely hit here, too. That could possibly be why I cleared out the camera's memory card again the other day; I want it ready to go to take lots and lots and lots of pictures in the hospital (we have to make up for last time, after all). Of course, that means you're now going to be subjected to lots of Patrick pictures. I'll start with pictures from Nana's visit a few weeks ago, but from there, the picture posts will be totally random over the next few days.

"Here, Nana. Try this!"

Belly laughs

Story time with Nana

A Case of the Giggles

Speculation

Matt and I have spent lots of time speculating lately. We make guesses as to exactly when we think Nathan will make his grand entrance (current guess is August 24), what he'll look like, how he'll be like or different from his brother, what life will be like with two.

We're incredibly curious, though, as to how Patrick will react to his little brother. We can't decide whether he'll embrace his role as the big brother or rebel to the new little crying being in the house that steals all his attention. Or maybe he'll just ignore his brother altogether until he starts moving and becomes more of a nuisance.

I personally think it's going to be a combination of all those. At first, I doubt he will understand that this baby will be staying in our house permanently. He's at least somewhat curious about babies right now, so that may make the transition a little easier. I don't think any rebellion will start until he recognizes this attention-stealer is home to stay.

He is still a toddler, however, and with that comes plenty of tantrums, especially when he's so used to being the center of attention everywhere he goes. I think after a few weeks or months we'll start dealing with some bizarre behavior for Patrick, the kind that demands attention and defies us for the mere sake of being defiant. I hope I'm ready for this kind of rebellion, in the midst of sleeplessness that I'll be experiencing at the time.

But on the other hand, I know my son pretty well. He has a super sweet sensitive side. He's the kind of kid that loves almost to excess, who will run up in the middle of playing hard to give me a hug or lay his head against my leg for a second. He's the kind of kid who needs his alone time and sleep as much as he needs his attention. He won't be able to ignore these parts of him, and between the rebellious streaks, I think he will want to love on his brother. As they grow up together, I suspect that Patrick will be protective of his baby brother (who will probably be bigger than him by the time either starts school), even when he acts mad at him.

I'm not looking forward to the toddler rebellion or the sibling rivalry, but I can't wait to see my sweet little boy develop into the sweet big brother I know he can be.

For When I Forget

Although I know that no two children are the same and that I cannot expect Nathan to behave at all like Patrick has, I am afraid I am not prepared for what that will actually be like. One area that I wish Nathan would take after his big brother is sleep. I'm afraid I'll forget all too quickly after his arrival about how peaceful life has been these last almost-two years.

There were early days at home with Patrick when I thought I would lose it because of how little he seemed to sleep. But now I realize we had it easy. It was only a few weeks of getting up every three hours to feed him, and he slept well most of the time between feedings. Then once he started sleeping longer stretches, and eventually through the night, life got easy.

We developed a bedtime routine early. Once he moved to his crib, our routine was to feed him one last time (his vitamin bottle while he still needed that), change him into pajamas, then tuck him into bed. He might cry for a few minutes but would soothe himself to sleep after a reasonable time. And that was it.

Now that routine has been modified somewhat. We've cut out the before-bed feeding and sometimes even changing him into pj's if we're particularly lazy (and he's wearing something comfortable). We just take him into his room, kiss him good-night, and leave him. He chatters happily for a few minutes and then goes happily to sleep. Sometimes if we tell him it's time for "sleep tight," he'll even run into his room and crawl into his bed to wait for us. I've never seen a kid so happy about bedtime.

He typically sleeps twelve to fourteen hours straight. When he wakes up, he usually just talks quietly to himself until he gets hungry enough to make sure I'm awake and ready to let him out of his room. He takes a good, long afternoon nap as well. The nap averages about two hours, and again, he's perfectly happy playing in his room when he wakes up. Sometimes I'll notice it's been over two hours and I haven't heard a peep out of Patrick, and I'll have to listen at his door to even tell if he's awake yet.

It would be a wonderful miracle if Nathan ends up sleeping as well as Patrick has. I'm fully aware that Patrick's sleep habits are not typical of most toddlers. He's never been typical in how well he sleeps, and I am completely unprepared for dealing with a normal child, at least in that area.

Born Too Late

Sometimes when I'm sick of Sesame Street or The Backyardigans, I look for adult-friendly, child-friendly shows to watch. One of my favorites, reminiscent of my own childhood, is The Price is Right. We've watched it fairly regularly for months. Patrick hasn't shown much interest in it before, but I liked knowing he would subconsciously learn that he should always spay and neuter his pets.

You may recall a recent fascination with numbers, though. Bob Barker's show has an abundance of numbers, so Patrick has started paying more and more attention, probably only because they keep saying various numbers. Today it went to a new level, though. More than once, it sounded like he was calling out bids to the contestants. I wish I could understand what he was saying because I have a sneaking suspicion it was a good bid, but I can't prove it.

Poor kid. I don't have the heart to tell him we're just watching re-runs now and he'll never get his own chance to win a car from Bob.

Delayed Gratification

Not long ago, I suddenly got a huge craving for a cinnamon roll. Every since then, I've had one almost every day. Patrick is fascinated by the yummy-smelling treat on Mommy's plate that he doesn't get. After seeing his curiosity, I decided to see what he thought about a cinnamon roll by giving him one small frosting-free bite. That now ranks among his favorite treats, just behind cheese.

Every time I get a cinnamon roll now, I reward Patrick's patience by giving him the last small frosting-free bite. He has learned that this is a real treasure, and he treats it as such. He will usually walk around clutching that one bite for a long time, playing with his toys with the one hand only to keep the cinnamon roll as fresh as possible. Then finally he decides he's savored his treat enough and digs in.

I am constantly impressed with this sudden understanding on his part that the anticipation of the yummy bite is just as good as the bite itself. He understands that if he doesn't devour it the second I hand it over, he can make it last longer. The concept of delayed gratification seems so mature for someone so young, and I'm proud of Patrick for learning it so early.

Terrible Twos

I think Patrick's confused. He's supposed to be about two months behind other kids, not two months ahead. Yet in the last few days, he's acting like the mysterious illness that affects most two-year-olds has hit him already.

Here's an example of what life around our house is like:
Last night we went out and picked up dinner, a nice treat for all three of us. Patrick was more than happy to see he would be eating fries for dinner. When we got home, he threw a tantrum in his chair when it took me a few minutes to get his food on his tray. Then he threw a tantrum when he saw what he would be eating (remember, he has always liked this meal in the past). He threw a tantrum when I wouldn't give him my food--an exact copy of the meal he had on his tray. He threw another tantrum when I offered him my food anyway and it wasn't what he wanted. He threw a tantrum that I wouldn't let him out of his chair when he decided he didn't want to eat his food. He threw a tantrum again when I finally did. He threw a tantrum when I wouldn't let him drink his Sprite--a special drink--when he'd refused dinner. He threw a tantrum when I wouldn't give him my Sprite instead and gave him his water sippy every time he "asked" (which means he grabbed my hand and shoved it in the direction of the Sprite).

He finally quieted down for a few minutes once he figured out he wasn't getting any Sprite. I pulled some yogurt out of the fridge for a bedtime snack and so he wouldn't go to bed without any food in his belly at all. He was perfectly happy and sweet--until the yogurt was gone. Then he threw yet another tantrum because I wouldn't let him play with the spoon and empty yogurt container. At this point, Matt's and my patience hit its limit, and Patrick went down for a slightly early bedtime.

We had peace in the house for about twelve hours until construction traffic in our neighborhood woke him up. As you might have expected, he woke up hungry and was not in the mood to play quietly in his room until I woke up on my own. He wanted to eat, and he wanted to eat NOW. I woke up a few minutes later to loud screams from his room. If they had been screams of pain, I would have leaped out of bed and run in to check on him. But they were screams of anger, deliberately to get my attention and express that he was upset that I was not around to release him from his room the moment he woke up. I refused to get him up while he was screaming, so he stayed in there a little bit longer until I found a long enough break between screams to let him out.

Today has been a bit better so far. He's only thrown one tantrum, when I wouldn't give him my own breakfast. Maybe the full tummy is helping. I hope these tantrums are just a phase and not really the onset of the terrible twos. I don't know how I'll ever stay patient with all this stubbornness for a full year, especially when I'm functioning on very little sleep after Nathan gets here.

Fibe and Sis

It's official. My kid is a genius. I know every parent says that, but I'm really starting to think Patrick is hiding an extraordinary IQ. Although his vocabulary has exploded this week, he still only identifies objects he has a particular attachment to, like his parents and cheese and kitties. Even the phrases he picked up from Mommy and Daddy are associated with his favorite times of day, like going places or taking a nap (really...aren't I lucky?).

This is why it is astounding to identify several of his new words of the week. Yesterday he started saying "fibe" and "sis." If you say them right, they sound suspiciously like the numbers five and six. And he says them when someone is counting. Actually, he can often say them if you ask him what comes after four. He has filled in the numbers two and three ("do" and "ee") in their appropriate places when we've started counting as well, but he much prefers five and six. He also knows ten but thinks it should follow six for some reason.

Last night as he was reading his caterpillar book, he was making counting-like sounds as he turned the pages, just waiting until he could say five and six. He initiated the counting on his own. It is clear my son is fascinated with numbers.

While I suspect Patrick is hiding more knowledge from me, like that he really does know his colors and more animals than cats and ducks, I wonder how this fascination with numbers is going to shape his future. I doubt he grows into a famous artist or a Pulitzer Prize winner (he needs to learn a few more words first), but he might just grow into a math genius. It makes a mama proud!

Lotsa 2's

Dear Patrick,

Today you turn 22 months old, only two months from turning two. That's a lot of twos to happen on the same day. You celebrated today by running around the house in a hyper frenzy, most likely due to your early wakings from the last few days. You also got to celebrate with Nana who happens to be here this week, and quite possibly another reason behind your high energy levels.
The biggest development of the month certainly has to do with all your energy. You are now running, in a silly toddler sort of way. Daddy and I have tried imitating your waddling run, but we can't quite perfect the arm-waving the goes along with it. Either way, it's obvious that your increased speed brings you no end of joy, as you run almost everywhere at full speed.

We're also watching both your fine motor skills and your creativity develop. You try to do more detailed actions now, like screw the lid back on a water bottle. You haven't quite mastered many of these actions, but you are being very persistent in trying. Of course you get frustrated from time to time, but I can already distinguish a frustration tantrum from any other kind. I think that frustration only fuels your persistence, which will serve to help you reach your goals much more quickly.

You are growing creative in how you play with your toys as well, in a much different way than I've seen in the past. Suddenly a fire truck and a ride-on car have become a fort when angled together against a wall. Daddy and I laughed hard when we realized you were turning your fort into a nest by storing all your favorite toys in it. Shouldn't I be the one who is nesting right now, not you?

The other day you also definitely started pretend play. I was sitting in your room while you played with the door and kept climbing in and out of your bed (which you have become quite adept at). You started closing the door behind you as you left the room, telling me to sleep tight as you left. You were putting Mommy down for a nap the same way I do for you every day. I think that's a huge step in your maturity to pretend you're the mommy and Mommy is the Patrick.

One thing I think everyone will notice from the pictures is that you have turned into a performer when the camera comes out. You recognize a camera of any kind, and you grin the cutest and cheesiest grin for it. You have turned into such a ham, entertaining anyone watching and forever capturing your performances on camera.

Mommy and Daddy have been a little concerned about your vocabulary in the last few weeks. You can repeat lots of phrases we say often, but you can identify very few things. This has been worrying me in particular. But this week, with another fresh set of ears around, we are starting to identify many more words and phrases that you can say, if only in Patrick-language. Nana and I are starting to wonder if you might be secretly hiding a genius mind behind the grins and chubby cheeks. We swore just a few minutes ago that you were counting, and you acted like you knew your colors a few weeks ago. Any day now I'm expecting you to break out in song, proving to us you know your full alphabet as well. Or you'll pick up a book and start reading it to me, not the "reading" you usually do.

Every day you are a little bit more of a little boy than even a toddler. You are growing up much too fast, and as much as I want you to be a grown up big brother for Nathan, I wish I could keep you as my little toddler a bit longer. It helps that I love the sweet little boy you are growing into. You may have many of my physical features, but you are growing up to be just like your daddy. I couldn't be prouder. You have inherited all his best characteristics, like his loving, giving nature--and of course his preference for cleanliness in the house. You make me so proud every time I see you do something new, so much so that I know by the time you're ready to graduate from high school, I'll be about to pop from it. I just hope my heart can also contain the ever-growing love I have for you as well. And I hope you never doubt either my pride in you or my love for you.

Love,

Mommy

The Ginormous Belly

I realized the other day that it had been a long time since I had any pictures taken of me, and since my shape changes just about every day, it was long past time for more. These are my 32-week belly shots. I might be just a bit bigger than I was last time you saw a picture of me.
(Thank goodness the rash is finally gone. The belly is a little cuter when it doesn't look like it has the plague.)

And yes, this is one of my biggest maternity shirts, and it is fitting a little less loosely than it used to. In fact, if I keep growing too much, I may have to find some new and bigger maternity clothes.

Gigi's Visit

Here is the first of the several picture posts I need to do. They won't necessarily be in order--more categorized. The first group are the pictures of Patrick and Gigi together during her visit several weeks ago. I have more of him alone during the visit, but I'll put those in a group of just cute Patrick pictures tomorrow or Friday.